Helping Kids Name Big Feelings Without Meltdowns

A Heart-to-Heart from One Mom to Another

I still remember the day my youngest threw a cushion across the living room because I gave him the wrong-color cup.

Yep. The blue cup.

Not the red one. The red one was clearly the chosen one that day—but my mom radar failed to catch the memo.

The meltdown wasn’t about the cup, of course. It rarely ever is. It was about something deeper—something he couldn’t explain at that moment. And honestly, I couldn’t either. But that day planted a little seed in me:

What if he’s not “overreacting”? What if he’s just feeling something so big… he doesn’t know how to say it?

That’s when I started my little journey of helping my kids name their feelings before they explode out of their tiny bodies like mini fireworks.

And mama, if you’ve ever faced a sudden storm of tears, shouting, or silent sulking, I’m with you. This blog post isn’t a perfect formula—it’s just me sharing what’s worked (and what’s flopped) on this beautifully chaotic parenting road.

---

Let’s Start with This: Feelings Are Not the Enemy

For a long time, I thought I had to “fix” the tantrum.

Calm them down. Find the solution. Be the peacemaker.

But then I realized—kids don’t need us to fix their feelings.
They need help understanding them.
And sometimes, just knowing what they’re feeling gives them the power to handle it better.

---

1. Name It to Tame It

I remember one evening after school, my daughter came home all grumpy. Snapping at her brother, throwing her bag, groaning over dinner.

Instead of saying, “What’s wrong with you today?” (which I may have said in the past), I tried something new:

“Hey love… you seem like you’re carrying something heavy today. Want to tell me what that heavy thing is?”

She paused. Then whispered,

“I was scared during Maths class because I didn’t understand anything… and I felt stupid.”

My heart cracked a little—but at least we got there.
Naming “scared” and “stupid” helped her let go of the frustration without shouting it out.

---

2. We Made a Feelings Chart with Crayons

One Sunday, we sat down and drew funny faces for different feelings—happy, sad, silly, angry, confused, proud, nervous.

We stuck it on the fridge, and now it’s our little tool for “checking in.”

Sometimes I’ll ask, “Which face are you today?”
Sometimes they’ll just point without saying a word. And that’s enough.

You don’t need a fancy chart from Pinterest. Just paper, crayons, and your child’s imagination.

(Though if you want a printable, I made one—just ask!)

---

3. Model Feelings Like It’s Normal—Because It Is

I started saying things like:

“I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, so I’m going to sit down for a few minutes.”
“I’m nervous about my meeting today.”
“I’m super proud of myself for cooking without burning anything!”

My kids started copying me.

One day my son said,

“I’m disappointed that we didn’t go to the park… but I’m trying to be calm.”

Whew. I gave him the biggest hug (and a cookie).

---

4. Turn Books & Cartoons Into Emotion Talks

We now watch cartoons a little differently.
When a character cries, I ask:

“What do you think he’s feeling?”
Or after a story:
“Why do you think she was mad? What would you do if that happened to you?”

Sometimes their answers surprise me. Sometimes they’re hilarious.
Once, my daughter said a character was sad because “he probably didn’t have a cat.”
Fair enough.

---

5. Celebrate Their Progress, Not Perfection

When your child says:

“I’m sad because no one played with me today,”
instead of just “acting out”…

That’s a BIG win.

Celebrate that honesty. Say:

“Thank you for telling me. That’s a brave thing to say.”

Because naming emotions isn’t just for now—it’s a skill they’ll carry for life.

---

Dear Mama…

You’re already doing so much.
And if you’ve read this far, I know one thing for sure:

You care.
You’re trying.
You’re showing up, even when you’re tired, messy-haired, and questioning if you’re doing any of this right.

Your child doesn’t need a perfect mom.
They just need a safe one.

So, here’s to fewer meltdowns, more “I feel…” moments, and lots of messy, beautiful progress along the way.

With you in the wild world of motherhood,
Kerenh
Mom of two, always learning, always loving

---

P.S. Want a super simple Printable Feelings Chart for your fridge or kids’ room?
I made one with love—grab it here and help your child start naming emotions today!