Discipline, Respect, and the Line We Shouldn’t Cross
There’s a common discussion in our community about bringing back stricter discipline in schools, with the rotan (cane) often mentioned as a solution. I understand the sentiment; to a certain extent, I agree that when caning is truly necessary, done fairly, and within established guidelines, it might have its place as a last resort. However, my deepest conviction is this: real, lasting respect doesn’t come from fear. It blossoms from the way teachers speak, act, and genuinely treat their students.
When Words Wound: My Daughter’s Story
My daughter once shared an experience that truly made me pause and reflect. She recounted how her teacher sometimes used deeply hurtful names for students. A girl who liked to talk a lot was called “38婆,” and a boy who easily got distracted was labeled “神经病.” The teacher’s frustration escalated when the boy started shouting in class, leading to a stinging remark: “Did you take your medicine today? You know you’re 神经病, so don’t disturb the class.”
As a parent, hearing this broke my heart. Children are naturally noisy, restless, and emotional — it’s an inherent part of growing up and figuring out the world. But using words that label, shame, or humiliate doesn’t teach self-control; it teaches children to internalize shame. While it might silence them for a moment, it fundamentally erodes their self-worth and certainly doesn’t build genuine respect.
The Unforgettable Impact: My Son’s Experience
Not long after, I received a call from my son’s teacher. Her tone was one of clear frustration as she described my son misbehaving, showing no respect, and even kicking a dustbin.
I’m fortunate because my son is quite open; he usually tells me about his day, including when he’s made a mistake. He admitted to kicking the bin but quickly added that he cleaned it up immediately afterwards. When I gently pressed him on what had happened, he shared the teacher’s harsh words:
“You have no moral education.” “Your parents didn’t teach you to respect your elders.” She even called him a “monkey.”
This, for me, is not discipline — this is humiliation. Words like those carry a heavy weight; they pierce deeper and linger far longer in a child’s memory and spirit than any cane mark ever will.
True Discipline: A Path of Respect, Not Ridicule
I understand that teaching is an incredibly tough job. Educators face classrooms teeming with diverse personalities, big emotions, and daily challenges. But when genuine frustration gives way to ridicule and belittling, we unequivocally cross the line from constructive correction to outright cruelty.
Discipline is undeniably necessary, but it must always be delivered with a foundation of respect and fairness. Caning, if it is ever deemed truly necessary, should be a rare, considered action that follows clear explanation and a moment for reflection, never administered in anger or as a display of power. Words, in contrast, should be tools to heal, guide, and empower, not to wound or diminish.
Children don’t learn better through fear; they learn and thrive through trust. And trust blossoms when they feel seen, heard, and guided with empathy — not shamed, labeled, or made to feel less than.
Our Shared Goal: Nurturing Kind Hearts
I don’t share these stories to criticize teachers. I write this because I profoundly believe we all — parents, teachers, and school administrators — share one overarching goal: to raise kind, respectful, and emotionally healthy children who are ready to face the world.
Respect, fundamentally, must flow both ways. When teachers consciously extend respect first, students learn to reciprocate it naturally, creating a positive and productive learning environment. Perhaps then, we might find that our reliance on the rotan lessens, and the true power of connection and understanding takes its rightful place.
What are your thoughts on fostering respectful discipline in our schools and homes? I’d love to hear your perspectives.
